Last week I shared some words we all need to learn to survive in the Bush years, and many of you suggested some additions. Here are some that a friend pointed me to that are from the TOP SECRET REPUBLICAN DICTIONARY.
alternative energy sources n.-New locations to drill for gas and oil.
bankruptcy n.- A means of escaping debt available to corporations but not to poor people.
“burning bush” n.- A biblical allusion to the response of the
President of the United States, when asked a question by a journalist who has not been paid to inquire about non-issues.
Cheney, **** n.-The greater of two evils.
class warfare n.- Any attempt to raise the minimum wage.
climate change n- Progress toward the blessed day when the blue states are swallowed by the oceans (Also: global warming).
compassionate conservatism n.-Poignant concern for the very wealthy.
creation science n–Pseudoscience that claims George W. Bush’s resemblance to a chimpanzee is totally coincidental.
DeLay, Tom n.-Past tense of De Lie.
extraordinary rendition n.-Outsourcing torture.
faith n-The belief that the Beatitudes (statements made by JC) include “Blessed are the rich” and “Blessed are the war-makers.”
free markets n.- Halliburton no-bid contracts at taxpayer expense.
girly-men n.-Men who neglect opportunities to grope unwilling women.
God n.-Senior presidential adviser.
1. The justification for tax cuts for the rich.
2. What happens to the national debt when policy is made according to Definition 1.
healthy forest n.-No tree left behind.
honesty n.- Lies told in simple declarative sentences
(e.g., “Freedom is on the march”).
House of Representatives n.- Exclusive club; entry fee: $1 million to $5 million (See: Senate).
insanity n.-See: staying the course.
laziness n.-When The Poor are not working.
leisure time n.-When The Wealthy are not working.
liberal(s) n.-Followers of the Antichrist.
No Child Left Behind riff.-There are always jobs in the military.
ownership society n.
1. A civilization where 1% of the population controls 90% of the wealth.
2. A political system where all power is in the hands of the owners.
Patriot Act n.
1. Pre-emptive strike on American freedoms to prevent the terrorists from destroying them first.
2. The elimination of one of the reasons why they hate us.
Patriotism n.- Blindly supprting the actions of the government without question.
pro-life adj.-Valuing human life up until birth.
Senate n.- Exclusive club; entry fee: $10 million to $30 million. (See: House of Representatives).
simplify v.-To cut the taxes of Republican donors.
staying the course interj.; colloquialism.-Continuing to perform the
same actions and expecting different results (See: insanity).
stuff happens interj.; colloquialism.-I don’t have to live in Baghdad.
voter fraud n.-A significant minority turnout.
1. Person who can be trusted to raise a child but can’t be trusted to decide whether or not she wishes to have a child.
2. Person who must have all decisions regarding her reproductive
functions made by men with whom she wouldn’t want to have sex in the